Sex addiction: when sex becomes a problem

“From a young age, my thoughts constantly revolved around sex,” says former sex addict Max*. To ease the pressure, he was always taking time out to visit porn sites, masturbate or visit brothels. As a result, he became more and more isolated, started to lose touch with friends and colleagues, and increasingly felt that he was losing control of his life. “When the addiction threatened to destroy my relationship, I decided to get help,” explains Max.

There are many sides to sex addiction. It wasn’t until 2022 that the World Health Organisation recognised “compulsive sexual behaviour” as a psychological condition and added it to its catalogue of illnesses. Sexual addiction is when a person’s desire for sexual gratification is so great that it increasingly takes over their life, causing them to neglect other activities.

And while sufferers feel increasingly less satisfied, the desire for sex – in any form – becomes stronger and stronger. However, unlike alcohol, sex doesn’t cause physical withdrawal symptoms. So, depending on the manifestation, a sex addiction is more like a compulsive behaviour than a dependency, which is why the term “hypersexuality” is often used for this psychological disorder.

Those affected feel like they’re being controlled by the addiction

Couples therapist and sexologist Martin Bachmann explains: “I usually diagnose sex addiction when patients describe themselves as sex addicts.” Patients are under psychological stress, they feel ashamed, compelled to act, and they engage in sexual activity compulsively .

“One indication of a sex addiction is when the person affected misses important appointments, such as a family celebration, or they may be excessively tired, for example from watching pornography all night – and thus neglect their professional or personal duties.” Another sign is that the sex addict may need increasingly crass kicks to satisfy their lust and therefore turn to illegal pornographic content. According to the National Cybersecurity Centre (NCSC), this includes images featuring children, animals and violence.

Morals vs. a strong, healthy sexuality

As sex is closely associated with moral philosophy, some people go to Bachmann’s practice believing they are addicted to sex when in reality they aren’t. “I see patients who watch pornography twice a month and think they’re addicted to sex, because they can’t reconcile their behaviour with their morals.” A strong sex drive doesn’t automatically mean you’re addicted to sex. “If somebody has sex three times a day or watches pornography for two hours a day, enjoys it and can balance it with their professional and private life, they’re not a sex addict.” 

However, it is precisely this moral component that stops many people from getting help. Bachmann estimates that currently around 5% of the male population in Switzerland are affected by a sex addiction. “But the number of unreported cases is high,” he says. “Many people leave it too long to seek professional help.”

This hesitation can lead to additional problems because, untreated, a sex addiction can lead to depression due to feelings of guilt and shame, or anxiety and panic attacks. In addition, the compulsive behaviour of sex addicts can lead to sleep disorders, hallucinations, self-harm in the genital area, STDs and permanent fatigue. It can also result in problems at home, loneliness or difficulties forming relationships. Ultimately, sex addiction can also lead to consequences such as job loss, financial difficulties or criminal charges, for example as a result of watching illegal pornography.

Men are more likely to be affected by sex addiction

Women visit sex therapy practices for sex addiction far less than men. “It’s more of a male issue, because men and women tend to use sexuality differently. “Men need sexuality far more often to regulate their emotions,” explains Bachmann.

It was the same for Max*. He used his sex addiction to suppress unpleasant emotions, such as stress, insecurity or relationship problems – without long-term success: I didn’t enjoy sex any more, my sex addiction made my life a living hell.” He was disgusted by his compulsive behaviour. And constantly hiding his behaviour from his partner sapped his strength and made him feel like he was running a gauntlet in both his private and professional life. The only way out was to seek professional help.

Balancing emotions and sexuality

“The goal of sex addiction therapy is to develop and cultivate more pleasurable, enjoyable and sustainable variations of the sexual experience and alternatives for self-regulation,” Bachmann says. In other words, patients have to figure out what does them more good than sexual activity.

“For example, if a manager spends twelve hours at work and wants to satisfy his desire for physical activity by visiting a brothel, we encourage him to replace the urge for sex with a sporting activity.” A change in sexual behaviour can only be effective in the long term if the person sees tangible added value in the new behaviour pattern. “The goal is to create a sustained balance between emotions and sexuality.” Therapy usually takes the form of individual sessions. “Group therapy isn’t very widespread due to the sensitive nature of the topic. Those affected are often ashamed of their actions,” explains Bachmann. Inpatient treatment and medication are also rare and applied on a case-by-case basis.

Bachmann explains that sexual addiction is becoming increasingly common: “People have access to pornography anywhere and any time.” To encourage proactive prevention of sex addiction, Bachmann calls for the introduction of sex education that goes beyond functional and biological aspects. “Sex is so beautiful and important – it’s worth giving more space to this topic and addressing it.”

*Name changed by the editor